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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 2644577" data-attributes="member: 14320">Officers at a military installation in U.S. were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee."The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?""Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."*******************A married man was visiting his mistress one day, when she requested that he shave his beard."Oh James," she pleaded, "I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome, clean-shaven face."James quickly replied, "My wife loves this beard, Jocelyn. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!""Oh, please?" Jocelyn asked again, in a sexy little voice."Oh really, I can't," he replied. "She loves it … I just can't!"But Jocelyn was seductively persistent, and he sighed and finally gave in.That night, a worried James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife woke up and sleepily felt his face.Suddenly she was wide awake and sitting bolt upright in the bed. She said tersely, "Jesus Christ, Michael! What the hell are you doing here? My husband will be home any minute!"*******************A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!" There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men have jobs.The 2nd floor sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.The 3rd floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.The 1st floor has wives that loves you .The 2nd floor has wives that loves you and have money.The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited. *******************MAN:boy, whats your dad's name?BOY:his name is LAUGHING.......MAN:and yoursmother's name?BOY:SMILING.....MAN:you must be kidding...BOY:no, thats my brother.....i am JOKING..!*******************</blockquote>

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